You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
