considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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