i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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