i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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