I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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