I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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