I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
