My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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