'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
