I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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