this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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