You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize