I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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