I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
sex in a hospital.. check
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
