I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
