Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
