I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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