So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
