What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
