I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
