I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
What drink are we having for lunch?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
