I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize