you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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