but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
