i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize