life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
