Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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