Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize