Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
