I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
