i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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