put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I have post one night stand depression
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
