obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
