I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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