just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize