if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
