OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
