i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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