at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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