dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
