about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
