My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
