last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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