Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
wow bdsm is so cute
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
