those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize