I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
