Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
