Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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