i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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