i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
