No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
