hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
