New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
