wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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