DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
