And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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