You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
