So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
