dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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