you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
