guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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