You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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