I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
