I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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