the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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