Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
